Breaking Free from Unspoken Agreements in Marriage

You need to know that if you’re a Christian wife who feels stuck in your marriage, it might not be what you think.
You’re not unworthy of love, and you’re not doomed to feel unhappy.

Instead, what could be holding you back is an agreement you’ve made with the enemy, like “Things will never get better”, “I’m not good enough” or “He will never change!”

Agreements sound like this:

• “I have to handle everything myself.”
• “I’ll give love when he deserves it.”
• “It’s not safe to be vulnerable.”
• “He’ll never change.”

These lies take root in our hearts and dictate our actions, creating distance, frustration, and disconnection. But here’s the good news: you can break free and transform your marriage by following four simple steps.

1. Identify the Lies You’ve Been Living Under

The first step is to uncover the unspoken agreements shaping your thoughts and actions. Take a moment to reflect: Are there beliefs holding you back from loving your husband well? Common examples include:

• “I need to control everything to feel secure.”
• “He should meet all my emotional needs.”
  Write these down, asking God to reveal the lies you’ve been carrying.

2. Bring the Lies to Light

Once you’ve identified these agreements, bring them before God. Write them in a journal and pray over them, asking for His wisdom and truth. When we name the lies, we strip them of their power.

3. Renounce the Lies and Replace Them with God’s Truth

Breaking free from these agreements means replacing them with biblical truth. For example:

• Instead of “I’ll give love when he deserves it,” declare, “God calls me to love unconditionally” (Ephesians 5:33).
• Replace “He’ll never change” with “With Christ, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
  Write these truths down and meditate on them daily, letting them reshape your mindset.

4. Commit to Living in Freedom

Freedom isn’t just a thought—it’s a choice. Begin acting in alignment with God’s truth.

This might look like:

• Offering love even when it’s undeserved.
• Letting go of the need to control everything.
• Choosing vulnerability, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Transformation happens when we consistently choose actions that reflect God’s design for marriage.

A Marriage That Thrives

By breaking free from unspoken agreements and replacing lies with God’s truth, you open the door for connection, joy, and peace in your marriage. These steps changed everything for me, and they can for you too.

Ready to take the next step? My Better Me, Better We coaching program provides tools to help you build a Christ-centered marriage by focusing on yourself and your faith.